Choose Your Vice

I've spent all season trying to pinpoint our problem as a team and I think I've finally got it figured out. And it's so simple I can't believe I didn't see it before. I guess I couldn't process it with a normal brain.

Lack of Tiger Blood combined with a dearth of Adonis DNA.

We should only have one speed. Go. But we don't. We have at least two. This wouldn't be a problem if both of our speeds were “go." But they are not.

With two games led to go in the regular season may I suggest the following changes for this basketball team.

0. Quit pretending we aren't totally bitchin' rockstars from Mars.
1. Quit sleeping. There's a higher power telling us to stand guard.
2. We need a different constitution, a different brain, a different heart.
3. Don't be worried. Be grandiose because we live a grandiose life.
4. Ambien. Hello. Ambien. Hello.
5. We need to close our eyes and fix our problems in two nano-seconds.
6. Get some goddesses.
7. Everyday needs to be just filled with just wins. We need to just put wins int he record books. We need to win so radically in our underwear before our first cup of coffee, it's scary.
8 . We need a 10,000 year old brain and the boogers of a 7 year old.
9 . If we do all these things our kids will wake up one day and realize how cool we are. And you know, sign all the checks on the front, not on the back. And you know, they needs us and our wisdom and our bitchin'ness.


Sorry, Middle America. I said it.

Jeff Taylor